Providing an outside perspective on family conflict

Watch Harry Martin, a Family Business Advisor and Family Office Expert, share his views on how a trusted mediator or trusted advisor can help alleviate conflict among branches of the family or among family members.

Sometimes there will be a father and a couple of children, and the father does not put a tiebreaker in. In other words he leaves two children each owning fifty percent. That’s a recipe, because often after the parents die, the children’s differences surface. I was involved in a court situation, which was interesting, where one family member wanted to be bought out of the company. It went to the highest state court, and the judge called me in as a mediator. And so, we heard two or three days of differences, and I will never forget the judge said, “You know, I solve about eighty percent of them, but we are not going to solve this one.” I asked the lawyer for one of the family members, “How long is this litigation likely to go on?” So, the young lawyer said, “Three years.” I said, “Really? Three years? Four years.” So, I sat with each family unit, and I said, “You live in a fairly small community. Everybody knows your company. By not settling you are condemning your family to four years in jail. It is not jail, but it is the jail of public opinion where your children and grandchildren are going to read about this case in the paper because you are famous locally. If you want to do that to your children and grandchildren, then do not settle.” At ten minutes of four, they settled. If they had just one outsider, it could be a lawyer – mostly it is the lawyers – it could be a family trusted family advisor, and they can go to them, and they will say, “Please, be fair to your son,” or, “Give your father a break,” or whatever it is. That is the conflict resolution.